mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
