This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
