Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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