That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
