We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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