a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I think I sprained my soul last night
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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