my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
this beer tastes like vomit already
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
