there was a trapeze. enough said
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
her facebook's as public as her vagina
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
