what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
