we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
