Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
