i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
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