Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
