bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
