ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
