i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
