This is not my ceiling
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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