She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
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