Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
