direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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