i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
