She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Randomize
