My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
