did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
