Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
