god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I just forgot I was standing up.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
