I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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