So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
