your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
