it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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