its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
