I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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