nutella sex= disaster
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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