I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
