508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
