dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
