I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
