Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
