just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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