Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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