I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Randomize
