New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
