I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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