I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
