This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
