His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
