I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
