We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Drunk is not a location!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
