i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
