I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
