I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
