I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
